Funny Random Stuff to Say

One press gives one line that is true of nothing, with a note on when it lands.

Did you also hear that, or was it just my apartment?Late at night, to a friend.

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How it works

Looking for funny random stuff to say? Press the button for one line that is true of nothing, with a note on when it lands. Think of it as a funny random phrases generator for friends, texts and long silences.

Read the full guide

Five kinds of random things to say

Funny holds the funniest random things to say out loud. Weird holds weird random things to say with a straight face. Makes no sense holds random things to say that make no sense, and random quotes that make no sense because nobody ever said them. To a friend holds random things to say to your friends. In a text holds funny random things to say in a text.

How to land one

A random line works after a pause, said plainly, with no explanation. The note under each line names a moment that suits it.

Tips

In a group chat, press five times and let everyone pick the line they will use that day.
Say it once and move on. Explaining a random line spoils it.

Questions and answers

What are funny random things to say in a conversation?

Lines that fit nowhere, said as if they did. Try "I had a great point, but it left without me." when you lose your thread, or "Let's agree the lamp saw nothing." after you knock something over.

What is the most random phrase on the page?

That is a matter of taste, but "The hallway is longer in French." has a claim. For the most random things to say, tap Makes no sense and draw five.

Are there random hilarious things to say that are safe for school?

Yes. No line is an insult, a prank or a dare, and nothing here is about anyone's body, faith or family. Every line was written for this page, and none comes from a film, a show or a song.

All 150 lines

Funny 57

According to my calculations, it is definitely a day of the week. When someone asks what day it is.
Are you awake? I need to tell you about a sandwich. Late in the evening, to a patient friend.
Autocorrect and I have agreed to disagree about your name. After a typo.
Don't tell the toaster, but I think the kettle is my favorite. In any kitchen, quietly.
Eleven geese can't all be the manager. When too many people are giving orders.
Good news: I counted the stairs and they're all still there. On the way back from anywhere with stairs.
I brought snacks for the trip. They did not survive the driveway. Five minutes into a car ride.
I can hear the weekend from here. It sounds like a kazoo. On a Friday, any time after lunch.
I can't decide, so I'm letting the soup choose. When a menu is taking too long.
I checked on the couch for you. It's fine. I stayed a while to be sure. On being asked where you were.
I had a great point, but it left without me. When you lose your thread halfway through a sentence.

Show all 150 lines (139 more)

Funny, continued

I had a staring contest with a potato and I'm not ready to talk about it. When asked how your day was.
I have typed and deleted this message nine times. It was 'hi'. To start a chat after a long gap.
I like you more than a canceled meeting. When a friend needs cheering up.
I practiced this chat on the way over and you've changed all your lines. When a conversation takes a turn you did not expect.
I put my keys somewhere safe. So safe that we may never meet again. At the front door, patting your pockets.
I saved you a seat. It's this one. I'm in it. We'll work it out. When a friend arrives late.
I sorted my worries by size, and you'll be pleased to hear you're not in there. When a friend says sorry for nothing.
I started a list of things to finish and I'm nearly ready to start it. When someone asks about your weekend plans.
I told my to-do list we should take a break from each other. On a lazy Sunday.
I trust you with my second-best pen. When lending anything.
I walked in here for a reason. The reason did not come with me. On entering any room and stopping.
I was going to bring you a gift. Then I ate it. It was crackers. On arriving empty-handed.
I'd explain, but it involves a wheelbarrow and nobody comes out of it well. When asked how your morning went.
I'd like a word with whoever is in charge of Mondays. First thing on a Monday.
I'd like to thank this chair for its support. On standing up after a long sit.
I'd love to help, but my shoes are in a meeting. When someone asks you to get up from a comfortable chair.
I'll be right with you. I'm losing an argument with a zipper. From the hallway, when everyone is waiting.
I'm at my best between 10:15 and 10:20. You just missed it. When asked to do something clever.
I'm not late. The clock and I just disagree. On arriving after everyone else.
I'm only here for the snacks and the plot. At a movie night or a long meeting.
I'm pacing myself. Yesterday I did almost one thing. When asked if you are busy.
I've been busy doing nothing, and I'm behind. When asked how your weekend went.
I've been practicing my echo. Want to hear it twice? In a stairwell or a tunnel.
I've been promoted to senior snack officer of my own kitchen. After a trip to the store.
I've decided to become a morning person. Starting some other morning. When the alarm comes up in conversation.
I've named the wind today. It's Gerald. On a blustery walk.
I've put you down as my emergency snack contact. When a friend opens a bag of chips.
Let's agree the lamp saw nothing. After knocking something over.
Let's circle back to that after I've had a sandwich and a think. When a friend asks a big question before lunch.
My battery is low and so are my standards for conversation. Go. At two percent.
My plan for today has one step, and I've forgotten it. When asked what you are up to.
My umbrella and I have an understanding: it stays home, and it rains. Standing in a doorway, looking at the weather.
Next time we're early, let's remember this and be proud. While running late together.
Please confirm you got this by doing nothing at all. As a sign-off.
Please hold my calls. I'm watching a pigeon make a decision. At a window, to whoever is nearest.
Quick poll: is soup a meal or a feeling? To a group chat that has gone quiet.
Remember that thing we never did? Let's not do it again sometime. To an old friend.
That was my last clean idea. The rest are in the wash. After you make one good suggestion.
Three dots are showing on my end, but they're just for show. When you have no reply yet.
Two more of these and we'll have enough for a canoe. Holding up any small object.
Typing with one hand. The other is holding a cookie and my dignity. From the couch.
We should start a band. I can't play anything, so I'll do the posters. During a lull with friends.
We should write down our best ideas so we can lose the paper properly. After making a big plan over snacks.
We've had word from the crackers. They're not coming. At an empty snack plate.
You and I could run a very bad restaurant together. While cooking with a friend.
You're invited to my next mistake. Dress is casual. Before trying something new.

Weird 34

Between us, I trust the small spoon more than the big one. While setting a table.
Did you also hear that, or was it just my apartment? Late at night, to a friend.
Do you ever feel like the left sock of the group? In a quiet moment with friends.
Do you think clouds have a favorite town? Lying on the grass, looking up.
Do you want to hear the sound I think a triangle makes? When someone says they are bored.
Have you checked on the ceiling lately? It's been up there a long time. When the talk runs dry.
I can't stop thinking about the word 'spatula'. Your turn. When a word gets stuck in your head.
I greeted the mailbox this morning and it seemed pleased. Over breakfast.
I keep a spare Tuesday in my coat, just in case. When someone says the week is flying by.
I owe the fog a letter. Looking out on a gray morning.
I think my shadow is taller than me on purpose. Late in the afternoon, outdoors.
I think the elevator was humming along with me. Stepping out of an elevator.
I think the moon followed me home again. On a clear night walk.
I told a duck about you. It seemed impressed. On meeting up after a while.
I told my plant about your day. It leaned in. After hearing a friend's news.
I walked past something that looked like you. It was a very nice lamp. As a strange compliment.
I'd like one ticket to wherever that bird is going. At a window.
I'd tell you where the puddles go, but I promised them. After the rain stops.
I'm almost sure that pigeon recognized me. In any town square.
I'm thinking of a number, and it's thinking of me. When asked what you are thinking.
If I were a soup, I'd want you to tell me. Over lunch, with a straight face.
If Wednesday were a vegetable, we'd both know which one. On a Wednesday.
If you need me, I'll be thinking about how big whales are. On leaving a room.
My left shoe has opinions today. Halfway through a walk, with no follow-up.
My pockets feel different today. Like they know something. Hands in pockets, waiting for a bus.
No reason. Just thought you should know a bird looked at me. In the middle of the afternoon, with no context.
On a scale of one to toast, how's your day? As a check-in.
Somebody has moved the horizon. It was closer yesterday. At a beach or on a hill.
Somewhere a door just closed, and I felt it was about us. After any small draft.
The stairs seemed suspicious today. I took them anyway. On arriving upstairs.
There's a perfectly good cloud up there and nobody's using it. On a sunny afternoon.
Weather report from my window: one cloud, shaped like a decision. On a slow morning.
What do you suppose the chairs talk about after we leave? On the way out of a meeting.
Would you still wave at me if I were a lighthouse? To a friend across a room.

Makes no sense 27

A staircase agreed with me once and I've not been the same since. When someone asks why you look thoughtful.
The answer is purple, but only on weekends. When asked a question you cannot answer.
The carpet has gone on ahead. We're to meet it at the lake. On arriving anywhere.
The hallway is longer in French. Walking down a corridor.
I can't find the edge of this conversation. When a chat wanders.
I folded the afternoon and put it in the drawer with the others. When asked what you did today.
I keep my best ideas in a jar next to the Thursdays. When praised for an idea.
I taught the doorbell to whistle and now it won't come in. When the doorbell rings.
I'd agree with you, but the soup is facing north. To end a friendly argument.
I'd come over, but the trombones are migrating. Turning down an invitation nobody made.
I've knitted you a small Wednesday. Handing a friend anything at all.
If this text had a smell, it would be toast. At breakfast time.
It tastes like the number nine, but rounder. When asked how the food is.
It's raining upward again, so I've brought the other hat. On walking in from outside.
Kindly return my echo when you've finished with it. After someone repeats what you said.
The marmalade has spoken, and Thursday is canceled. As a reply to any plan.
The moon called. It wants its ladder back. Out of nowhere, at dusk.
My calendar says it's half past a turnip. When asked the time.
Pardon my reach, I'm passing the weather. At a dinner table.
The piano has filed a complaint about the alphabet. As a status report.
Please lower your voice, the spoons are counting. In a kitchen, in a whisper.
Seven is a lovely color on you. As a compliment that goes nowhere.
That's the third rectangle today that has looked at me funny. Passing a window or a door.
There's a perfectly square noise coming from the garden. With a hand cupped to your ear.
We're out of sideways. I've ordered more. From behind a cupboard door.
Yes, but have you considered the opposite of a kettle? In reply to a strong opinion about nothing much.
You'll want a ladder for that kind of sandwich. Watching someone make lunch.

To a friend 25

Good morning to you and to whatever you're having for breakfast. Before nine.
I just waved at my phone. Let me know if it arrived. To a friend who lives far away.
I'd call, but then we'd have to say goodbye four times. When a text will do.
I'd follow you into a shop I have no interest in. On a slow errand together.
I'd pick you first for any team, even the ones with math. When a friend doubts themselves.
I'd share my fries with you, and I don't say that to everyone. At any table with fries on it.
I've decided you're in charge of my opinions on cheese. At a grocery store.
I've nominated you for an award I just made up. When a friend does something small and good.
I've thought of a joke and you're the only one near enough to suffer. Just before you send the joke.
If we ever become spies, I want you to pick our code names. On a long walk.
If we were snacks, we'd be the kind sold in pairs. While sharing anything.
If you were a day of the week, you'd be the good part of Friday. As a goodbye.
Just checking that you still exist. Carry on. In the middle of the week.
Let's grow old and complain about different chairs. On a park bench.
Our group chat should have its own weather forecast. After a lively evening of messages.
Sending you this so my phone knows we're still friends. When you have nothing to report.
Thinking of you. Also thinking of noodles. Mostly noodles. But also you. Around lunchtime.
We make a great team. You do the thinking, I do the snacks. In the middle of a project.
We should get matching hats and tell no one why. Walking past a hat shop.
You bring the snacks, I'll bring the questionable ideas. While planning anything.
You laugh in the right places, and I've decided to keep you. After telling a long story.
You're my favorite person to be lost with. When the map stops helping.
You're the human version of a green light all the way home. At the end of a good day.
You're the only one who gets the joke I haven't made yet. Just before a bad pun.
You're the reason my phone thinks 'hahaha' is a word. After a run of jokes.

In a text 7

End of message. Please enjoy the silence responsibly. To close a long thread.
I'll go first: the third thing I can see is a spoon. You? To wake up a sleepy chat.
I'm in a line. Entertain me with one word. From any line that is not moving.
It's me, from earlier. And also from several years ago. To someone you have not written to in a while.
My thumbs wanted to say hello. When you have nothing else to add.
This message has no purpose and I stand behind it. Any time at all.
Update: still me. More as it happens. As a reply to 'how are you'.

How this list was compiled: Written for this site on 2026-09-30: every line and the note under it are our own wording, and no list, book, film, show, song or site was copied. House rules applied to every line: it is said to another person, it is true of nothing and claims no fact, and it gives no advice. None is an insult, a pickup line, a prank or a dare, and none is about anyone's body, faith or family. The note under a line says when it tends to land. No line repeats one on our excuse, pun, joke or compliment pages. Licence: Own work.